Raise Your Expectations
Posted by Jerry on Friday, November 20th, 2009
After spending the month of August with Pat Parelli, on my last day I had the opportunity to ask him “What is one tip you would give me for my horsemanship?” His answer was thoughtful yet simple “Raise your expectations”.
That simple phrase seems to have become my theme since then, both in my own horsemanship and in helping others raise their expectations. I have come to realize that my horses don’t give much because I don’t expect much of them, consequently I don’t ask for much. It becomes a vicious cycle that slowly grinds us to a halt.
At a few points during the summer Pat pushed me and my horse pretty hard and I never really questioned why he did it. But he explained to me that day that he pushed us hard so I could see what my horse was capable of. It was at that point the lesson became clear. He never pushed beyond what either one of us were capable but he did push us out of the usual. He had an expectation for both of us and we tried to live up to it.
To me an expectation is simply the picture we have in our mind of how something should or will be. As I have explained to many of my students we need to have expectations that are appropriate for ourselves and our horses. Much like we have expectations of a first grader and the skills that are appropriate for their grade level. However, as they grow and learn our expectations change. The expectations we have for a first grader are going to be different than a fifth grader and still different than a freshman in high school and so on. The same is true with our horses, we need to have realistic and appropriate expectations.
Sometimes in our endeavor to create a good relationship with our horse and not be too “direct line” we lower our expectations for ourselves and our horses. And on the other hand we can see in certain segments of the competitive world unrealistic expectations for horses, such as performing a sport before they have a foundation which can lead to disappointment, frustration, undue stress and finally force. But not having clear and appropriate expectations can be harmful in not living up to your full potential. We vacillate between two worlds, unrealistic expectations of our horses and no expectations. What we fail to see is the middle ground of appropriateness.
I challenge you to raise your expectations and ask for more and you may be surprised at how much your horse will give. As you raise your expectations of your horse, I want to challenge you again as students to “raise your expectations of yourself” and what you can accomplish in your own horsemanship.
Please leave a comment below.
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Filed in My Parelli World,Parelli Self Improvement | 10 responses so far
Pennyon 21 Nov 2009 at 3:01 pm 1Your message hit home again. It is what you told me this summer—”you may have to burst his bubble a little” which to me translates into “ask for a little more and expect a little more”. And WineLover has responded. Last weekend was the best–we had a lot of fun just playing around on the ground and under saddle. I think since I have asked more of him, he is looking to me more. Our draw is getting better too.
Thanks for your help.
Kris Hugheson 22 Nov 2009 at 4:49 am 2A timely reminder, and also a very encouraging read. Not only for my horsmanship, but other endeavours,too! Thanks again, Jerry!
Cathyon 22 Nov 2009 at 8:54 pm 3I am slightly curious as you define an expectation as “how something should or will be” yet propose that sometimes our expectations are lowered when we try to “create a good relationship with our horse and not be too “direct line” ”
Isn’t this about HOW we frame our expectations ? We have a choice of both “doing” and “being”. By working on the “being” (which surely links more closely to your definition) we may, for a short while, change what we are doing. We may need to simplify, to revisit, to DO less in order to BE more ?
Then how is that a lowering of expectation when we are changing what and how something will BE ?
My personal feeling is that I have had much higher expectations, looking for a quality I may not have felt I could ask for before.
Janet Evanson 23 Nov 2009 at 6:30 am 4How true this is, managing my expectations will become yet another savvy arrow to success. Thank you Jerry.
Lisaon 24 Nov 2009 at 3:42 pm 5I have been enjoying your themes and presentation. Thank you for the gentle push to keep moving forward.
Elisabethon 02 Dec 2009 at 3:55 pm 6I really appreciate your blog. It`s always something interesting in it and I´m looking forward for the next contribution.Thank you very much for sharing!
Maxine Easeyon 05 Dec 2009 at 6:50 am 7Jerry that’s a brilliant story and resonates clearly with me. We had a clinic with Ali Jones some years ago and the theme for day 2 was “Expect more”. Perhaps she had spent the previous month with Pat too !
She enabled me to see the difference between “stretching” my horse and myself to expand our comfort zone and enhance our abilities and develop our relationship and “pushing” us so that we felt too far outside of it.
Since then I’ve overcome huge difficulties and felt empowered to do – and stretch for – more and more.
Thanks for sharing this further wisdom with us !
Cheers
Max
Heidion 25 Feb 2010 at 1:46 pm 8Just received your e-mail and wanted to thank you for the lovely way you write and inspire. I came to your web site to write a comment and ended up rereading all your blogs and shed a few tears on the wonderful dressage video.
Anyways gave me a lot to think about Know that I have given up a bit, but also know my expectations are pretty low right now too. Thanks for sharing, really enjoyed your thoughts and feelings, Heidi
Colleen S.on 05 Jun 2010 at 2:47 pm 9This advice provided by Pat Parelli to you, Jerry, resonates with me because this past year my gelding has not had a pleasant look on his face when he’s with me. He looks dull and blah blah. He comes up to me in pasture and follows me and acts like he REALLY appreciates me—but if pasture mates take off or snort he’s gone. He also snorts alot when I ride him. I’ve been doing Parelli with him for 4 years, we’re level 3 untested. But, this is why your message resonates. This horse has had a lot of Parelli attention. He is awesome at liberty. He does patterns, and beautiful 7 games on 22 ft line. He does 45 ft line games if he’s been worked with regularly. But this past year I have noticed he finds our play sessions and riding boring. Yesterday, he looked straight at me, when I asked for the circling game and reared up and went the other way. Man was I shocked. This horse does liberty in yard with no halter. So, I read this as . . . you’re boring, boring, boring. He is a LB introvert (but beautiful active mover sometimes). He is also needy and subservient to herd mates. What I don’t know is what to do. I guess I need to raise expectations, but don’t know where to go. Thought I was doing so well, but think when I got ET to a certain levell, and I was so awed by his liberty, that I just stopped doing anything else. I think I need help.
Sharon Franceon 04 Aug 2010 at 3:42 pm 10I must have been ‘drawn’ to read this post Jerry – thanks so much for sharing it with us. All these little seeds are being planted and slowly impinging upon my psyche.